Didn't we have fun

Even after we divorced we would sometimes send each other links to new music we thought the other would like. Music was our language. After you died I couldn't listen to music - any music - without crying.

I thought I was finally getting over the worst of it. But then I heard this song, playing on someone’s radio as they drove by. A trick of acoustics - in my kitchen, I can hear whatever is playing on the radio of a car stopped at the intersection in front of my house, if their window is rolled down. Sometimes, late at night, people will pause at the intersection for a prolonged time - probably checking their GPS, trying to decide the fastest way to wherever they are going - and I’ll hear whatever they are listening to as clearly as if they are in the room with me.

Two nights ago it was this song I heard - coincidentally, the last song I ever shared with you, shortly before you left this world. I was trying to find something that would express my love for everything our life together had given me, a song that would celebrate that without stealing your hope that you might yet beat the odds.

When I gave the news to G., he said I remember how much fun you two always had. An epitaph you would have really appreciated. A sign, maybe, that I chose the right song.

Lately I've been listening to music again. I guess I'll never hear this song without crying but also hoping with all my heart it made you smile.